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Real Housewives of Zerhem

Scene details

Setting: Previously, our heroes were tasked by the royal family of Zerhem with stealthily observing the tortured love life of Princess Darcea. The party's interference resulted in Darcea rejecting both her terrible suitors and running off with a waiter. Now, the royal family requires that the princess and her new beau be located. But her romance with the waiter, Georgie, is already under threat from her conspiring ladies-in-waiting. Can our heroes bring about a happy ending for Princess Darcea? How much will doing so cost Reize? And how many whole crabs can Ruidosa's family eat in one sitting? Find out on this episode of "Real Housewives of Zerhem"!

Log


 "And what would you lovely ladies like?"
 Ivo, hair slicked back and resplendent in formal doublet, beams down at the occupants of a round table. The two women seated near him laugh playfully.
 "In general, or from the wine list?" one quips, sending the other into further peals of laughter as Ivo grins back. The other two occupants of the table do not seem to be having quite so much fun. A plain-looking man sits ramrod straight with an earnest, worried expression. And at his side is none other than Princess Darcea, her eyes flickering between the women and the man, seemingly uncertain and ill at ease.
 If Ivo notices their preoccupation, he does not show it, continuing to offer a practiced smile. For you see, today he is a sommelier at this fine restaurant, and his companions are at work here as well.
 It's all part of the quest.
 SOME TIME AGO
 "Please, you have to help me!"
 The plain-looking man, Georgie, spreads his arms in entreaty to the party. He is the waiter with whom Princess Darcea absconded from Zerhem during their last restaurant-based adventure. The party wishes for the Zerhem royal family to release Nais, the bandit descended from druids who once plagued the Misty Forest, so that he might assist them in their quest for the final fragment of the Crux. But they will only agree to do this if the party helps them retrieve Princess Darcea. Instead of finding her, they found Georgie.
 "Darcea's ladies-in-waiting keep saying I'm not to be trusted," the ex-waiter groans. "They say I'm just after her money. I didn't even know she was a princess! They're turning her against me, and I don't know what to do! I... I...!"
 "It's likely not your fault," Ivo says, arms crossed and chin cupped thoughtfully. "If Darcea goes on the run, her ladies-in-waiting have to either go with her or are out of a job, yes? It's in their interest for her to return to the castle. And the simplest means of achieving that is breaking the two of you up."
 "I... I don't..." Georgie blinks confusedly. He does not give the impression of someone inclined toward social machinations.
 "Don't worry," Ivo says firmly. "We'll figure something out. There's got to be some way for us all to get what we want. After all," he adds with a smile, "who are we to get in the way of true love?"
 Georgie blushes.
 NOW
 "Ohoho!" Emilea, the curls piled high on her head quivering with her laughter, gestures toward the wine list. "I'll have whatever you recommend, handsome."
 "I'll have *two*!" Charlottea, fanning herself with a finely painted fan, declares.
 "I-I'll have one as well," Georgie blurts, visibly sweating, "please."
 In a flash, the two women's expressions turn icy cold. All trace of smile or laughter is gone. As though deliberately synchronized, their heads pivot toward Georgie. He shrinks before their gazes.
 "And how will you pay?" Emilea sets up the play.
 "With Darcea's money, of course." Charlottea dunks.
 "Th-that's not-- I have--"
 As Georgie stammers, Darcea is silent, uncertain.
 "As a matter of fact," Ivo smoothly interjects, "to lighten the burden upon you all, and in gratitude for your incomparable presence, we have a complementary appetizer..."
 He glances around searchingly for his backup.


  Where is Reize during this time? Well....

 "... So you are my waiter, hm?" He raises an eyebrow. The boy is not so lucky, having to deal with a very indignant looking dignitary. "You look scruffy." He huffs, then he says, "Fetch me some water. Pronto!"

 Reize yelps and he is already on the move, "Right right....!" He cannot believe that he let Ivo talk him into this idea.

EARLIER TODAY

 Reize busts through the entrance of the Vanguard Associate HQ, beaming happily as he proudly proclaims to the crowd. "Who is the explorer that managed to find a very awesome rare gem that sold for a lot!" He puts two thumbs to his chest. "This explorer!" He is giddy, "I successfully found my first treasure and have been able to send it off!" He holds onto his pouch happily, "Th---This is like a dream come true."

 One of the Vanguards looks over at Reize, eyeing the other.

 "Are you gonna tell him?"

 "... Nah. He'll find out the hard way."

 They shake their head in sympathy.

 That is when Ivo came in with the good news about a new task. It was a task that he touted that an explorer of his experience could handle.

NOW

 Reize is getting some water, fresh from the pitcher and he is preparing to bring it over to the dignitary.
 

Ruidosa La Crima, Duchess of House La Crima refused to be a waitress. 'Look can you do this?' 'NO'. 'Please?' 'NOPE.' there was things under her she refused to do and this was it. She'll let Reize do it. Instead, Ruidosa is hiding behind a menu at the next table over, peeking over it curiously as Ivo calls for an Appetizer.

She snaps Reize over and whispers 'you have to get the appetizer' at her. Then she clears her throat.

"Yes, I. Ruidosa La Crima, Duchess of House La Crima... have made my choice..." she says narrowing her eyes as if she's made an important ruling decision.

"I shall have. The crab platter." she says. That's a thing meant for like four people. She's alone. It's also very expensive. Very. Very expensive.

"Ohhh, make it...."

"Two."


 Ivo picks Reize out of the crowd, only to see that the boy has his hands full getting used to his new job and the difficult customers it entails. Speaking of which.
 "Don't think you can pull a fast one on us," Emilea snaps. "We're not stupid. He thinks we're *stupid*, Char."
 "But we already know," Charlottea adds smugly, smirking behind her fan as her eyes narrow, "about the *sock*."
 A moment of silent follows.
 "Um," Georgie ventures, "the sock...?"
 "Don't play dumb! The sock full of money! Darcea told us all about it!" As Emilea gleefully announces this, Charlottea's confidence falters as she glances worriedly between Emilea and Darcea. The Princess flinches a little, looking away guiltily from Georgie. But Georgie just looks baffled.
 "You mean my savings?" he says. "I'm a little embarrassed that they fit in a sock, but..."
 "Your savings? Don't make me laugh. Those must be your ill-gotten gains from the last woman you tricked." Emilea lays in. "Everyone knows that savings are kept in a vault!"
 Charlottea and Darcea both nod along.
 "Uh..."
 Georgie trails off before helplessly looking up at Ivo.
 "Not necessarily, ladies," the acting sommelier notes in a lively tone. "Why, I keep my modest savings in an empty bottle of the finest wine I've ever quaffed, a beaujolais so light and fragrant it is as though the tannins were a dish on the side. And it just so happens we have an unopened bottle..."
 "Ooh! We'll take *that*," Emilea coos, again dramatically changing tones.
 "What are tannins?" asks Charlottea.
 "All I know," Darcea finally chimes in, "is that I want to go tannin'!" The two other women laugh and clap, nodding enthusiastically, both beginning to chatter about the last time they all went to the lakeside together, as Darcea smiles, glancing at Georgie. He still looks confused, but she seems to have relaxed slightly.
 As Ivo steps away, he flashes a reassuring grin at Reize. It's all working out. Everything's going to be fine. Besides, Ruidosa is here to give him advice while Ivo is focused on the table. And... yeah, she's probably doing important things.


  Reize has been having a very difficult time dealing with one customer! He is snapped over by Ruidosa, turning to face her before approaching. "---Oh..." He looks over at Ivo, "Ri--right! Appetizer on the way!" As if things cannot get any more busy for him.

  After getting the water to the dignitary, he does move forward to getting the plate of the appetizer.

  ... And then he overhears the most horrible thing, leaving him gasping while completely pale.

'Crab platter'.

  As Reize goes to get the appetizer for the guests, one of the waiters who is moving off to retrieve the crab platter meets Reize half way.

  "Mister Seatlan. If it isn't my favorite customer." He is a very lanky man within his early-thirties. There is a dignified look to him. He leans over towards Reize, causing the young explorer to sweat profusely.

  "You'll be covering this... right?"

  "Y--yes..." Comical tears.

  "Excellent. Crabs for the young heiress!" He claps out.

  The boy can already feel the pain weighing down. Nevertheless, he does manage to make good on getting the platter full of the appetizer; a few rolled bread, tartar, and other fresh-looking food made for the more aristocratic crowd.
 

Ruidosa La Crima claps as she waits for crab platters. Not really understanding as she smiles. "Thank you~" she says happily, indeed, very visibly happy as she looks over to the other table as they talk about savings in socks and vaults as she huffs! Savings should be kept in vaults, or safes or chests!

That's where mom keeps her savings. In a bank!

Maybe Royals just have a treasury though. She does roll her eyes though.

Tranquila had warned her about people like this, who we're so full of themselves it burst out at the seams. She sipped a little water as she eyes Reize delivering the appetizers, good.


 As Ivo departs to retrieve the bottle of beaujolais, Reize, visibly weeping, approaches Darcea's table with the appetizer plate. The jovial laughter of moments before has made the conversation seem rather inviting. But by the time Reize arrives tableside, the ladies in waiting, countenances flipping on a dime, are back to staring daggers at poor Georgie. And this time, Ivo is not there to help.
 "We don't believe that innocent act for a second," Emilea is saying. "We're Darcea's friends--" And employees. "--and we're not going to let some gold-digging seducer steal her away."
 "We know how you talk about us!" Charlottea exclaims. "Darcea, too!"
 "I've never said anything bad about either of you!" Georgie protests. "And there's nothing bad about Darcea to say!" The woman by his side blushes like a teenager. Emilea and Charlottea look faintly annoyed.
 "Well, *I* have a *reliable source*," Emilea replies, "and *she* said that *you* said that we're puffed-up pampered fools who don't know anything about the real world."
 "What? I never said that!" Georgie seems animated, his confusion giving way to increasing outrage. "Who is this 'source'?"
 Charlottea glances aside, looking innocent.
 "Well!?"
 "It doesn't matter! *I* have a *reliable source* too," Charlottea retorts, "and *she* said that *you* said that we're old hags!"
 "That's a horrible thing to say!" Georgie seems genuinely furious. "Who would say that about any of you, let alone Darcea, who's so clearly in her prime!?" Darcea blushes again. Emilea and Charlottea look annoyed again. "Who is *your* 'source'!?"
 Emilea glances aside, looking innocent.
 "Well!?!?"
 "L-Let's ask the waiter what he thinks!" Emilea sounds a little desperate, the ladies in waiting not seeming to have anticipated that Georgie would become so passionate. "You, boy!" she snaps at Reize as he sets the platter down. "Would you let someone you've basically just started dating take and spend your hard-earned money!?"
 "I haven't spent any of her--" Georgie is about to speak up again, but Darcea puts a hand on his shoulder. This causes him to blush and lose his train of thought.
 "Mmm, this tartar is delicious," says Charlottea through a mouthful, having lost her train of thought for different reasons.


  Reize is already suspecting that he will have a very tough time with the price of the crab platter. At this point, it is time to accept that fate. Whatever pain that will follows, prepare to go through with it. Nevertheless, Reize does not have Ivo by his side to back him up. This leaves the young explorer alone in what appears to be a very awkward situation. There are exchanges of fury amongst the grop, especially as Georgie bites back against the two women.

  ...W---Wait what?!

  "M--me?!" How did he get involved in this?! Even worse, he gets the most topical question ever.

  It is not long that the a couple of waiters arrive, placing the plate down near Ruidosa. It is a large load of crabs just waiting to be devoured.

  Reize looks back at Ruidosa, staring for a few moments before he lets out a resignated sigh. He looks back at the ladies, especially the desperate Emilea. "...If what she is using the money for makes her happy, it's worth seeing her happy." ... Even if the crabs are likely to counteract any money that he earned from the rare jewel of his adventure. It's always the experience that counts, right?

  He gives a sheepish smile, "Besides, there's more than money, it's the resolve to walk a path with you!"
 

Ruidosa indeed, soon has two crab platters in front of her and as Reize has her discussion she happily eats crabs, looking no happier in any point in her life than right now, happily sucking on a crab leg as she eyes the question....

Oh dear. She narrows her eyes and nods matter of factly. She had moneys once! And she spent it on some supplies for both her and Reize!

Also, Reize could probably get repayment from La Crima, not that he'd try probably.

Or even know he can. La Crima probably worrys about coin too much. Vampires, you see.


 Ivo steps back into view only to pause, seeing Darcea's table staring at Reize in what appears to be stunned silence.
 "Th... that's so beautiful," Emilea replies, lowering her fan to dab at her eyes with a napkin. "What a sweet young man..."
 "Maybe I should reply to his letters after all," Charlottea murmurs mysteriously after she swallows her bite of tartar, her eyes misting as she gazes into the distance. "Maybe... there's still a chance..."
 Darcea, her smile hinting at shyness, looks to Georgie, only to gasp in surprise as he firmly takes her hand, holding it tight. His eyes shine as he looks to the shaken ladies in waiting.
 "I don't have money," he says, "but I have resolve. Together, come what may, Darcea and I will be able to forge a path together."
 "Georgie," Darcea says, eyes filling with tears, "I..."
 "We want a path with Darcea too!" Emilea's response is forceful, visibly taking Georgie aback, but her words have lost their sharpness, becoming plaintive instead. "The two of you will have to go into hiding from the royal family, won't you? How are we going to go on girls trips? How will we go tanning by the lakeside, or shopping in the markets, or openly eat at Zerhem's fancy restaurants?"
 There is an awkward silence as the four of them all blink at once, then glance around furtively. The customers seated about them collectively look away, clear their throats, or hide their faces behind menus.
 "The point is," Emilea hastily concludes, "you're not just talking about making a life with Darcea! You're talking about stealing her away from us!"
 Georgie, for all his resolve, seems to struggle to respond, his lips parting but no words issuing.
 "Did someone say girls trip?" Ivo interjects, tableside seemingly in an instant. "What's a girls trip without wine? Am I right, ladies?"
 The tension is broken as the three women begin laughing and chattering again. Darcea seems happier than the party has ever seen her. But Georgie looks unusually troubled.
 "Ah, I think we're ready to order!" Charlottea is saying. "If it's here, it's got to be the crab platters, right?"
 "Right!" Emilea and Darcea chorus.
 "I see our kitchen will be working overtime!" Ivo lightly replies, looking to Reize and grinning. Things are going well! From Ivo's perspective.


  It is an exhausted sigh, but it is one that that leaves Reize feeling more.. relaxed and less stressed. Given that Ruidosa is very happy with the food, Reize will be willing to let this go. After all, he experienced getting a treasure, after all. Even moreso, he sees that Georgie has taken up that declaration of his resolve. The boy smiles a bit more.

 Nevertheless, Reize is treated to the root of the issue. He looks at the ladies and Georgie regarding the issue of 'running away and hiding'. He looks over towards Ruidosa, who had at least got the blessing and even was recommended to go travel with him.

 It looks like Georgie is not as lucky.

 Reize grimaces, not wanting to jump in this.

 Luckily, Ivo does with an intervention of sort! Reize lets out a sigh of relief. Hearing about the crab platters, Reize offers Ivo a pained look. "....Well, at least it is from their side..." And not his.

 Speaking of which...

 As Reize approaches the other part of the table to procure the crabs, the waiter meets Reize half-way with a smile.

 "This will be your bill..."

 Reize blinks, looking over the receipt as he collects the crabs.

  "...Oh!" He gives an uneasy smile, "That's all? ...I should be able to easily cover that!" He feels a bit more confident. At least, he will have earnings left over! He isn't too down in the rut!
 

Ruidosa La Crima is happily nomming crabs and watching the going ons when two others suddenly join her at the table. One is a Purple haired Lady Vampire, and a another, a blonde haired vampire. "Mom! Tranqy!" she says. "Reize is buying me crabs, join me!" she says.

La Crima daintly sits down. "Ah, I see. Such a thoughtful boyfriend..." she says, placing fingers to her lips.

"Yay, Crabs!" says Tranquila as she digs into the platter, as La Crima more daintly joins in with a plate and actual fork and knife.

"Oh, I'm gonna need another platter over here...!" she says as she beams.

"My Mom is here." she asides in a whisper to Reize.

La Crima gives Ivo an ''eye'' before starting to eat. Maybe he finds his knowledge of wine interesting.

>> Af-Affection+ for Lady La Crima?

(Rui Note: STILL NOT MY DAD.)


 Ivo laughs along with the ladies as he deftly tops off their wine glasses, even Georgie starting to smile again. Reize receives less damage, as it were, than he expected. And Ruidosa's meal is as delightful as hoped, supplemented now by even more delightful company. As the acting sommelier makes small talk, he glances idly back to Ruidosa's table, only for the color to drain from his face and then surge back in the form of a deep flush.
 "If you'll pardon me for just a moment, ladies," he says, voice suddenly tight, "I must attend to another table..."
 Little do our heroes know, however, that very close by, a storm is brewing.
 "IT'S GOT A KNIFE!!!"
 This shrill cry interrupts the proceedings (and whatever flattery Ivo may have been preparing), all present abruptly becoming aware of a figure wearing a chef's hat desperately fleeing the premises. Within moments, other diners begin to shout and scream in shock and confusion as live crabs begin to pour into view, claws clicking and antennae swiveling, seeing escape and a path back to the river and the lake beyond. And there at the front of the veritable wave of crustaceans is one oversized crab, twice the size of a usual one, and wielding what appears to be a switchblade in its big claw, which it waves around like a violent lunatic or perhaps an army's banner.
 As the waitstaff panic, the head waiter by Reize's side clutching his head in horror at the prospect of lost profits, customers begin jumping onto tables to avoid the onrushing crab revolt, Emilea and Charlottea among them.
 "I have to admit," Ivo says desperately, fending off a mass of crabs with a mop he's plucked from a nearby supply closet, "I did *not* anticipate this!"
 "Georgie!" Darcea cries, clutching at her beau as crabs mass about their ankles, though the crustaceans seem generally to be ignoring the customers, searching for water.
 "I'll protect you, Darcea!" Georgie bravely proclaims, taking up a steak knife from the table as the boss crab marches toward them. *Ting*, *ting*, go their knives, as waiter and knife-wielding crab begin fencing.
 Meanwhile, the official that Reize was serving earlier sips at his water, a book in his hand, glancing idly at the crabs that wander by him, utterly unpreturbed. "Really," he murmurs dryly, as other customers make a ruckus, "they're just *crabs*."
 He has a point.


  The waiter glances at Reize. Wider smile. "I'll keep your tab open to update your bill, Mister Seatlan." He walks off, opening his arms wide to greet the new arrivals, "Lady La Crima and Lady Tranquila, you ladies look lovely today!" Meanwhile, Reize visibly wilts, comical tears rolling down his eyes as he comes to the conclusion that the bill will indeed counteract his earning from the trip. That's what he gets for being too confident from a sliver of hope.

  It grows worse as the storm passes through via a mad rush of the chef fleeing the premises. "Buh?!" Reize looks out, alarmed as there a large number of live crabs pouring into view. Even more so is a large crab with a switchblade.

  "..." Reize frowns, then he starts to step into his fighting stance. On one hand, it looks like the crabs are all fleeing and not attacking anyone. However, Georgie is in a fight with the boss crab.

  I'll help you!"

  Despite being in a waiter's outfit, the boy had already took a leap into the air, coming down with a forceful kick at the massive crustacean's form. It is not just any sort of kick, but one designed for severing armored-types: Fading Sun.

  Reize has become a battle waiter!
 

Ruidosa, Tranquila and La Crima are all happily eating crabs at the table now and then crab battle. OOooohhhh! Ruidosa would join in but she's busy. With her family. Eating crabs. "Reizeeee...." she almost adds the y, but then pouts. "Come over here and --- oh, oh you're fighting...okay."

"He's fighting?" asks Tranquila.

"Yes, he's going to battle crabs." says La Crima.

"Crab battler!" yells Ruidosa! They cheer him and Georgie on from the next table over, shoving the already paid for crabs into their mouths. They don't dare touch the live ones.

They're not that horrible to Reize. Well. Ruidosa isn't.

Tranquila is petting a crab in her lap like a dog.


 The battle is truly, uh, something.
 "Georgie!!"
 Blades flash as steak knife and switchblade collide, striking sparks upon the restaurant floor. Despite his fear, Darcea's lover does not yield an inch, repelling the aggressive crustacean. While Ivo holds back the boss crab's allies with his mop, Reize closes in to assist.
 "Ooooh!" go Emilea and Charlottea.
 Reize's kicking technique stuns the shelled creature, its armor no match for the boy adventurer's combat art. Briefly, it drops its guard. And despite Georgie's lack of fighting experience, his resolve guides him to seize the opportunity this presents.
 "Darcea!!!!"
 With his love's name as his battle cry, Georgie lunges and runs his opponent through, piercing its undershell. Dropping its weapon, the boss crab spasms, antennae swiveling up to meet Georgie's desperate gaze. The two combatants share a silent moment of recognition. And then, the crab perishes.
 The other crabs... do not notice, because they are just crabs.
 "Three cheers for Georgie!" Ivo calls, glancing over his shoulder as he continues to mop crabs up, trying to push them into corners where they can be more easily gathered. Many of the customers, having had time to move to safety, witnessed the end of the duel, and begin to cheer as Ivo suggests. Darcea clings to him tightly.
 "My hero!" she exclaims, eyes shining as their gazes meet. Georgie's eyes are gentle as he sets down his weapon and takes the princess's hands in his own.
 "Darcea, I... I love you..." He pauses. "...and that's why I can't deprive you of your friends." Emilea and Charlottea visibly startle. "I'm resolved to make you happy, no matter what it takes. Even if it means... I have to let you go... so..."
 "No!"
 The word is firm, clear, and true. It is Darcea's.
 "I've been wrong," the Princess says, "all this time! If I want to find love, I have to change *myself*!" Her friends look at each other in amazement. "I'm going to return to the castle, and I'm going to make everyone accept you! And I'll never doubt you again!"
 "Three cheers," Ivo says, in the middle of shoveling live crabs into a big bucket, "for Princess Darcea!"
 The crowd erupts joyously as Darcea spreads her arms, beaming.
 "Crabs for everyone," she declares, "by royal decree!!"


  It is a good thing that Reize was able to stun the larger creature. Reize calls out for Georgie, "You can do it!" It is then that the older man charges in, calling his lover's name in the midst of his resolve to take out the large, aggressive crab.

 Once the battle clears, Reize lets out a relieved sigh. "Whew..."

 He joins Ivo's cheers, beaming while he does join the La Crima family. He places a hand on Ruidosa's shoulder comfortingly, glancing over at the interaction between Darcea and Georgie. He looks over towards Ivo and the collective group. "All's well ends well, right?!"

 He is cheerful, despite the fact that he has a hefty bill for the crabs that the La Crima are dining on.

 ....The waiter approaches Reize, sweating, "Mister Seatlan... your new bill."

Crabs for Ruidosa
Another set of crabs for the La Crima Family
... Damages to the Massive Crab's shell

 "SERIOUSLY?!" Reize snaps at the waiter, grumbling while forking over the entire bag of coins of his earns. The entire earnings.

  "...Ahh.. why..." Comical tears roll along his eyes.
 

Ruidosa beams as Reize places a hand on her shoulder. La Crima and Tranquila look at each other scandalously. Still Reize gets the bill and he frowns. "What seriously. Charging for damage to the big crab?"

"When CRAB HAS BEEN ROYALLY DECREED!?" says Tranquila.

"How lame." says La Crima curtly.

"Lammmmme." points Tranquila at the waiter.

"Lammmmme!" points Ruidosa at the same time.

"Laammmmme!"


 "Boooo!"
 Ivo has joined the chorus of vampire beauties as, grinning, he points at the head waiter, who is startled to find himself suddenly the target of so much ire.
 "Boooo!" Emilea and Charlottea have joined in, clearly fond of the young waiter who so inspired them earlier.
 "Boooo!" Darcea joins in too and, in her next royal gesture, picks up a slice of bread from their appetizer plate and chucks it at the head waiter, who flinches as it bounces off of his head.
 "Oh, no," the older man mutters as customers begin enthusiastically reaching for the food on their plates, "not again..."
 Within moments, he will be fleeing the premises and the barrage of thrown food that has driven him from his own restaurant.